


Can't Stand Being With(out) You

by sleepyytime



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - No IT (King), Angst, Bad Parenting, Confessional, Crying, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2020-12-24 17:28:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21103247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepyytime/pseuds/sleepyytime
Summary: Stan comes to realization that he is gay. He hates it, because his parents are religious, and he doesnt get along all too well with them anyway. Sometimes, it gets all too much for him and he needs to let it out. He turns to one person he can always trust: Bill Denbrough, his best friend.(Reddie and Ben/Bev are very mild, and it a work in prgress) (mainly centered around Stenbrough obviously)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I AM SO VERY BAD AT WRITING FANFICTION AND THIS IS MY FRIST ONE I AM SO SORRY. also this chapter is a little longer than the others I'm pretty sure
> 
> Also, the spacing and writing is very weird and messed up because I initially wrote it in google docs and it looked much better and was easier to read.

The young boy sat kneeling on the floor, with his hands clutching his knees, and his head repeatedly slamming against the wall he was leaning on. Tears were tracing his face and ugly sobs were being choked back. His fingers were digging into his bare knee and leaving marks across them, but he didn’t even notice; if he did, he didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything for that matter. There was no point in caring, because his life was basically over.  
Stan Uris was gay; and now, sitting here, he realised that he knew this for a long time. He always tried to bury those vile feelings, and it worked for a while. Now, however, he realised that this wasn’t an epiphany. This was just him giving up in tormenting himself. Giving up in trying to pretend he was head over heels for that girl in chemistry, in pretending that Bill was his best friend and nothing more, and in pretending that he didn’t think Tom Cruise was hot. His parents were strict and religious, oh so religious. If they new, he’d be packing his bags and living anywhere but his house. And if Bill new… he’d lose his best friend; and quite possibly all his friends.  
Stan kind of came back into reality when he heard his parents pull into the driveway. In this moment he pulled himself together enough to stand up and walk to the mirror. He cringed at the sight of his red, puffy eyes and pinkish nose. He looked down to notice his red and scratched knees, no bleeding, though. He looked back to his reflection and quietly sniffled, scrunching up his face and feeling his eyes slightly water. Before he could go back to his distressed and broken down state of scream-sobbing, he took a deep breath and paced. He paced until his face seemed to have lost most of its red color, and his mind was slightly calmed.  
Eventually, during Stan’s pacing, Donald had called him downstairs. His dad and him never got along well, they had no relationship. Stan felt like his father was just a boss to him, just somebody who only talked to him when they wanted him to do something or fix something. When he made his way into the kitchen, he saw his mom and dad putting away groceries.  
“Nice of you to join us,'' his father said with not-so-subtle sarcasm  
“Don’t worry about it, the jobs’ done” his mother huffed, her voice making it clear that she did not intend to facilitate his job.  
“Sorry, I didn’t hear you” he whispered, almost inaudibly  
“Don’t act sorry, you clearly did if you’re down here. Take out the trash” the older man reprimanded. As usual, with that controlling nature that Stan so undeniably despised.  
As he was taking out the trash, he walked extra slow. He felt his heart become heavy and his eyes watering again. Tonight was just one of those nights where he felt like breaking down at every inconvenience. Besides that, he hated arguing with his father. Not really argument, just more of his father being upset with him. Which was somewhat stupid of him, since he should be used to it by now.

After and awkward, silent dinner with his parents, he went back up to his bedroom. He immediately fell onto his bed and sulked. He wanted to ignore this feeling in the back of his mind, and he had a weird fear that his parents were going to read him and figure it out. He thought that it would be a good idea to go see Bill, but he knew that was so bad for him. It would just hurt so bad, and he might say something he doesn’t want to. Besides, how was he supposed to rant to Bill without telling him what the problem is?  
After a few minutes, Stan decide: fuck it. He doesn’t care anymore. He knew he was going to regret this but he needed Bill right now. My god he was being stupid. Nonetheless, he was going to go. In an attempt to look okay in the least, he fixed up his hair and slipped on a pair of pants and a polo shirt.


	2. Saturdays are for the boys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS VERY BAD I AM AWARE

It was late at night, and the boys parents were asleep. He was already out on the sidewalk, almost down to his friends house. His anxiety was started to get the best of him as he walked to Bill’s, he couldn’t stop thinking of Bill, or his parents, finding out. He thought of turning back but it was too late. And if he wasn’t thinking of being outed, he was thinking of the fact he’ll be screwed if he gets caught sneaking out; even he hasn’t been kidnapped before his parents got to him.  
When he saw his best friend's house at the end of the street, he felt his chest become heavy and his breathing quicken up immensely. He never realised how much he had fallen for this boy until this moment; when he was no longer in denial and was now just hating himself instead. He still decided to suck up his dignity and walk over there.  
To no one’s surprise, all the lights were out except for Bill’s. Through the window, he could see the silhouette of his friends hunched over on his bed. He knew what that meant, the boy was drawing. Stan blushed slightly at the fact, he completely adored Bill’s passion for drawing; and he was so damn talented, too. Stan quickly shook himself out of his thoughts, it scared how quick he was to get all gooey about Bill. Every second he stood out the house, the more tempted he was turn around. Nevertheless, he ignored every logical side of him saying to stop and went up to the front of the house.  
Stan grabbed a foam ball from off the rocks by the house, probably one of Georgies that the small boy failed to put away, and threw at the window. Bill immediately noticed and walked over to his window to investigate. Upon noticing it was his curly headed friend, Bill opened the window.  
The first thing Bill noticed about his friend was that he looked upset, really upset. Of course, without question, Bill rushed downstairs to get his friend; being sure not to wake up anybody else. His eyebrows were knitted together and worry was clearly painted onto his face. The second he opened the door he paced over to Stan and put a hand on his shoulder.  
“S-Stan the muh-man,” Bill tried to use his nickname to lighten up the situation, “is ev-everything okay, b-b-buddy?”  
Stan softly nodded, it being clear as day he was not okay. He hated hearing Bill’s stutter because it was one of the million things he loved so much; he genuinely thought it was the most adorable thing.  
“You wuh-wanna come i-i-inside?” the concerned boy suggested, taking his hand of Stan’s shoulder and pointing towards the door. The curly-haired boy was slightly upset at the loss of contact, but definitely wasn’t going to complain. Instead, he just nodded again.  
When they finally made it into Bill’s room, Stan almost broke down. There was something so safe and comfortable about Bill and his atmosphere in general. He was no longer in the driveway, in public; and he was no longer in his house, where his parents would berate him for crying and force him to fess up. When the first tear slipped from his right eye, it all came out. He sat on the end of the other boy’s bed and cried, which slowly progressed to loud sobs that shook his body.  
Bill did not hesitate to go sit next to his friend and wrap his arms around him. Eventually, they were full out cuddling; Stan’s head was against Bill’s chest and his arms were wrapped around him in desperation. The front of Bill’s shirt was soaked with tears and snot and his back would probably be red from Stan from grabbing him so hard.  
“Oh god- Bill-” Stan choked on his cries, “I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry; I don’t want to be like this”   
“H-hey, there i-is nothing to a-a-apologize abou-out” Bill started to rub comforting circles on Stan’s back, “what are y-y-you t-talking about, a-anyway?”  
“I-” this is exactly what Stan was worried about, telling Bill; so instead, he just shook his head and stopped himself from saying anything else.  
“I-i-if you don’t w-w-want t-to tell me n-now that’s f-fine.”  
Stan felt so remorseful when he saw how upset Bill was that Stan couldn’t open up. To Bill, he just assumed that he was untrustworthy and that Stan wasn’t comfortable with him. It hurt, more than it should. It was unexplainable to Bill, but he knew that if anybody else was to keep a secret from him he wouldn’t mind it nearly as much. Surely, though, it was because Stan was his best friend.  
“My dad.” Stan lied, well, sort of lied, “I got into another fight with my dad..”  
“I was having an off day to begin with, and he got real upset at me for not helping put away groceries. One thing led to the next and he called me a bunch of stuff and I felt like real shit. I am real shit,” he sadly chuckled at his comment. He was almost prideful at how good that lie came out. Unbeknownst to him, Bill saw right past it. The other boy wasn’t going to mention it, because clearly Stan just didn’t want to tell him. I mean, he went so far as to straight up lie just so Bill won’t know.  
“Oh.” was all he replied with, “yeah I-I get it, par-parents can r-really s-suck.”  
“Honestly, sometimes it feels like they don’t even care about me. They just need somebody to push around.” Stan was no longer lying, he really did feel awful about his relationship with his parents; and he knew Bill didn’t have the most loving one either.   
“Y-yeah, I f-feel like th-they e-e-even forget th-that I’m there” Bill’s voice was slightly shaking now, and he seemed to be on the verge of breaking down too.  
The two boys stayed up until 2:00 in the morning. They both sat on the bed and held each other and cried. Spilling their hearts out and ranting about everything they’d been going through. At one point, they both were flopped down onto the bed with their backs pressed against each other, and shamelessly bawling and crying; not a word was spoken at this moment because they just understood each other. Eventually, they’re ranting turned into self-deprecating humor; and laugh-crying turned into exhaustion. They passed out cold, red eyed and snot nosed, lying on Bill’s bed.


	3. Georgie loves Stan, okay?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just want to make clear again that I wrote this in docs so it looked much better there.

In the morning, Stan was the first to wake up. He sat up and looked around, immediately recognizing the room as Bill’s. All memories of last night flooded into his head and he looked over to his friend. Bill’s eyes were still red and he could only assume his were too. Both of them were still dressed in their everyday wear, and their clothes were tears and snot stained.  
Stan moved out from under the blanket and sat on the side of the bed, with his toes on the ground. He looked over to the alarm clock and saw it only read 6:00. That was about 4 hours of sleep. At this point, the boy was already awake, so he decided to stay up. His attention was caught by a sketchbook laying on the floor. He knew what he was about to do was a total invasion of privacy, but he was clearly not one for making logical decisions. He glanced over at the sleeping boy, and was almost entranced by him. He looked so peaceful and fuck he was adorable. Stan quickly caught himself in his thoughts and scrunched his face in disgust, how dare he think that of a boy. Instead of getting deeper into thought, he walked over to the sketchbook.  
He sat with his back against the bottom bed frame and set the object of interest in his lap; quickly peeking over the bed to see if Bill was still asleep. When he opened the book, the first thing he saw was a picture of Beverly. It made his heart turn and he wanted to puke, and it made him even more mad that he was jealous in the first place. He wanted to close the book, but curiosity got the better of him. When he flipped to the next page, it was just random doodles of a dog; the next, Georgie. For about five pages he flipped through drawings of people and animals and characters. Until he flipped to one page that made his heart almost stop, it was him. This picture, like all the other ones, was very well done. It was a drawing of him smiling and a little heart drawn the top of it. The next page, another image of him. So was the next page after that. The next one was just another random person, but nonetheless he still felt high at the moment. He closed the book and smiled cheek to cheek. His chest felt funny and his face was beet red. He hugged the book close to his chest and giggled; afterwards, taking a few deep breaths and sighing deeply.  
As everyone says, all good moments come to an end. He then felt sick to his stomach. The realisation hit him that he is a boy and that Bill is a boy. He felt sick for being happy about that; however, he felt more sick about the fact that Bill most definitely didn’t like him. He’s Bill’s best friend, of course Bill drew him. He wanted to cry all over again because god he was fucking disgusting. He was drawn out of his thoughts when he heard the bed sheets shuffling.  
Stan quickly placed the sketchbook in its original position and peeked his head over the bed frame to look in Bill’s direction. The other boy sat up and stretched his arms up, yawning audibly. He looked to his side, clearly looking for his curly-haired companion.  
“Ahem,” Stan uttered, trying to grab the other’s attention.  
“Oh! Th-there y-you are,” Bill smiled brightly and crawled down to the bottom of the bed.  
Bill leaned his head over the bed frame and was hovering right over Stan, who had his head awkwardly bent up and making eye contact with the other.  
“B-breakfast?” Bill suggested, all though it wasn’t really a suggestion since he was already walking toward the door; holding up and waiting for Stan to follow.  
The two boys were down in the kitchen and helping themselves to toast when they heard the sound of someone quickly wander into the kitchen.  
“Stannie!” Georgie’s face lit up at the sight of the elder boy. Bill giggled and smiled in Stan’s direction. Stan playfully rolled his eyes and walked up to the young kid.  
“Hey Georgie” Stan was immediately being wrapped into a hug by the younger boy.  
“Billie! You didn’t tell me Stan was coming, I wanted to hang out!” Georgie whined.  
Bill shot a knowing glance at Stan, “we were busy, doing big kid things”  
“Like what, talking about kissing girls?” Georgie's face held an exaggerated look of disgust as his stuck his tongue out, “you were probably kissing each other” he teased, and skipped over to the food closet to get crackers.  
Stan wasn’t upset at Georgie making that comment, but it stung his heart a little. He laughed it off, very awkwardly, and went to grab his toast.  
“G-Georgie is j-just jo-joking.” Bill clarified, avoiding eye contact; he almost looked as if he was shaking.  
“Pfft, obviously, I’m not stupid” Stan stated, laughing dryly.  
When Georgie came back out with his crackers, he sat down next to Stan. immediately, however, he glanced over at Bill and made a very implicit face towards Bill and moved across the table. Bill’s face seemed to be dusted pink and he shot an ominous glare at Georgie.  
“Is something going on?” Stan asked, looking very puzzled. Bill quickly regained his composure and laughed nervously, “pssh, y-y-yeah j-j-just, i-i, ha… y-yes it’s f-f-fine”. Stan knew immediately that something was slightly off because, for one, Georgie was acting very suspicious; and, for two, Bill was stuttering a lot more and was just as bad as being subtle as Georgie was. Stan quickly brushed it off, though, because this morning was pretty.  
Once Bill finished with his food, and Stan was not, he excused himself to the restroom for a second. Stan could tell by the sinister look on Georgie’s face that he was waiting for his brother to leave.   
“Can I tell you a secret Stan?” Georgie asked, tilting his head in such an innocent way that Stan knew was the symbol of Georgie about to be a little shit.   
“Yeah sure, kid, what’s up?” he raised one eyebrow and put his toast down to hear what his smaller friend had to say.  
“Bill had an adult drink the other day” Georgie stated, matter of factly.  
“Oh yeah, I know that, he told me. It’s normal for people to do that, just don’t say it to your parents.”   
“Oh that’s not it! I know you know that silly” Georgie waved his hand in front of his face and giggled, but quickly got genuinely serious.  
“It was what Billie told me when he got all silly from the adult drink, and he got really sad an’ he told me it..” Georgie looked down at his thumbs and tried not to look directly at Stan.  
“Oh, what’d he tell you?” Stan put on his ‘big brother’ voice, he felt like this was really important to Georgie; and probably Bill, too.  
“He told me not to tell anybody, but I trust you and’ you’re his best friend. I also don’t know what it means but Billie was real upset about it. He didn’t say anything bad. He just said he really liked your hair, and some other stuff. He was acting real silly. He said your his favourite person and he thinks your lips are soft and kissable” Georgie giggled at his last statement, and stuck his tongue out, “like he thinks you’re a girl, so I let him sit by you this morning because he likes to sit by you” Georgie then became upset again, “it made him so sad and I don’t understand. He said he was gross and that I can’t tell anyone cause it’s gross.”  
Stan had no clue how to respond. His mind was racing a thousand miles per minute and holy shit that’s a lot, and HOLY shit he likes me. His heart was racing and he had never felt this odd before. He felt so happy, he never felt this good before; but, at the same time,it was the worst goddamn feeling ever. He never felt so ecstatic and so distressed at once. He then noticed the concerned little boy at the end of the table awaiting some advice and reasoning.  
“Right, uhm, Geor-” Stans was immediately cut off by Bill entering the room.


	4. A/N

Does anyone actually care for or like this story? Because if so, I will try and continue it. I just decided to post those chapter sand if there is anyone who actually wants to continue reading it I'll write it. Also, if you do want me to continue writing, than leave anything you would like to see for me to write in :)


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